i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
