we have officially lost it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
