Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I love you. Go after that dick
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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