Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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