Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Soap is not a condiment
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
