Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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