how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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