I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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