Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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