i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
