I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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