Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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