My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
