and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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