You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
