I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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