Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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