you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
