K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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