Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
