He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
