She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
