You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
