Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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