I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
