Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
