was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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