You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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