So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize