Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
