cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You need a sexual gate keeper
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
