just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
