why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
