Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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