You're earring is so big in my mouth
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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