i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
