Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
