Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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