At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
