I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
