Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
