two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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