It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
