Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
