hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
