Pappa wants mamma naked
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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