Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
