I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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