dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hippo gnu deer
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
