I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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