Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
