Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
