Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
