She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
