Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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