I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
