please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The struggles of a small town man whore
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
