I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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