I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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