i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
