He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
