My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
