i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
