didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
