I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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