I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have demons in me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
