I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
