Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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