I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
