dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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