I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
