I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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