There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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