In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
